Anger

I’ve been angry and I cannot help it. I’m angry at every little thing lately and I feel like I cannot control it. Irritability is my least favorite attribute to this lovely disease of mine and it makes me feel sick. I hate feeling sick, as I’m sure most people do. I want to control it but I have no control so now I have anxiety and oh, how well do they mix together. I hope whoever reads this is in better spirits and I wish you well.

SS

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Explosion

I have so many words waiting to come out and even though I wish to pour them out I can’t.

I’m stopped

words trapped, all jumbled and messy in my head,

make,

it,

stop.

the words are halted and I can’t think of a single word in a world so filled with words and it should be a grand

explosion

but it’s not and I can’t seem to find a way to pull myself up and string a few sentences together because no words can seem to fit the way I’m feeling;

and what I’m feeling is

halted.

I did a beautiful thing

I learned to let go.

I have been holding on to so much doubt and instability.

I finally said no to it, I won’t allow it to hurt me anymore.

I let it go.

In doing so, I feel less pressure, I feel lighter.

I feel better.

And that’s what I’m here to do.

To whoever reads this; it takes small steps, but be proud of them, they’re progress.

SS

Recently

I have found myself to be completely infuriated at my lack of motivation to do anything. I know I’ve hit the depressive side of things in my bipolar disorder when I feel sluggish. The only good thing that I can say is coming out of it is my ability to complete my “tasks” throughout the day. I am still doing what needs to be done but I just feel so blah and empty about all of it and that makes me more depressed. It’s a vicious cycle and I’m trying to climb out of it. I hope whoever is reading this is coming out on top of things that they are struggling with and I wish you luck.

SS

Never Enough Time

Time is a concept; a construct.

Irrelevant and yet still pressing.

We all have a finite amount of time and what we choose to do with it is what defines us.

We all live so differently and yet, somehow the same.

Afraid to die, afraid of time.

Not enough time.

Never enough time.

Not to do the things we really want to.

Instead we are conditioned to do the will of others.

Conditioned to spend our time as slaves.

But there are those that have beguiled their way into better time spent.

Sweet release of the chains and living freely, unashamed and unpressed for time.

I wish to be one, are you?

Sunrise

Swirling and whirling,

the dust rises and falls.

Birds sing in their high perches,

watching over the world as it awakens from its slumber.

The sun greets the day like an old friend,

enveloped in warmth and joy.

For this new day brings new life,

new death,

new beginnings,

and new ends.

A timeless tale of a sunrise.

Slumber

Floating in a sea of blue,

grey days have come to pass.

Sunshine feels unreal, exquisite on the skin.

Feels like I’ve missed too many days,

slumbering in my depression.

Like a choke hold, only smothered and pressed.

No release until it passed,

now I’m floating in a sea of blue.

Positive Attracts Positive

I read something by another blogger about happiness. A few key points they pointed out were ideas like:

negative attracts negative

positive attracts positive

space from those who are negative is crucial while we focus on those who are more positive-minded

allowing us to stay true to ourselves

being able to express our negativity and finding the positive, because it is there, we just have to find it

I really liked the piece because it hit home for me. I have been in such a dark and crucial point in my life where I feel I’m only now, and very slowly, starting to crawl out of it. I focus too much on the negativity in my life and it seems everything is all wrong at once, when in reality there is an equal list of things going right that are being brushed to the side and forgotten.

It’s a small list, but it is an extremely attainable goal for now.

Do you have anything you’re currently working on? I’d love to know so leave me a comment.

Grey

A damp, dreary, grey morning yields to the comforting touch of hot coffee in a warm mug. The smell of rain on the air, lightly weaving in and out of senses. Pressing matters are no more pressing than the light purr of a fat cat on a windowsill, still and serene. It’s impossible to say what makes it so sobering and yet so intoxicating to breathe in this day. It could be the slightest touch of a blanket, crafted of mist and thin air. The steam from the coffee begs to fight off the damp chill and fills the voids in the air with the sweetest and most familiar of smells. It feels good to be here in this place, time stands still; nothing matters. There is no rush, no hurry. Worries have been drowned on this damp, dreary, grey morning.

Daughter

Soft blonde bouncing curls frame a cherub face; soft and rosy cheeks, your ocean pools of eyes. Sparkling and smiling, your face tells your emotions in the same way your laughter does. A light tinkling or a deep guttural stop-my-breathing type of laughter. Your face shines and beams with each new discovery, treasure to be grasped and understood. Your reasoning no more solid than that of a bumblebee, bumbling from here to there trying to understand what it is you are supposed to do; yet you do it with a poise and grace that many yearn to achieve and for you, it’s effortless. Your very being encapsulated by the astounding aura that is you and only you. A mild perfection that is infectious to the world around you. A simple, tiny marvel of the universe within my grasp. A shining beacon of hope and growth, the love of my life.