For a long time I could feel something was off; the constant edginess and uneasiness I felt around everything and everyone. The back and forth racing thoughts that could no longer hold my attention because that was already off on its own endeavor of grand design. The constant feeling of hopelessness or elevated sense of self-worth at the drop of a hat. The tortuous and monotonous agitation felt for even the most minute thing.
Sexual impulses coursing through your very being, bad decisions are like nuclear bombs. Great in design and interpretation; earth-shattering and wreckage ensue and unfold. No taking back, no going back. Money flies out of my hand like a kid in an arcade saving all his tickets for that one useless item he’ll never touch again after that day. Bills and fees piling on the table with no sign of a breaking point. No “save game and return later” option in this master quest I’ve sent myself on. Spiraling and swirling, filled with destruction and disappointments.
The only end in sight is clarity, reasoning, and understanding. Understanding my brain isn’t capable of fulfilling unmet needs. Understanding outside help isn’t weakness and defeat, it is power and control. It is the ability to tell yourself no, I am not this person, I am greater than this, I have power over this and I can overcome it.
Strength is power. My power is unwavering.