If you’re out there

and you see this I hope you’re having a good day, a good week, a good life. I hope all the good things you’ve been looking for find you. Here’s to some positive changes friends. Cheers.

SS

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Explosion

I have so many words waiting to come out and even though I wish to pour them out I can’t.

I’m stopped

words trapped, all jumbled and messy in my head,

make,

it,

stop.

the words are halted and I can’t think of a single word in a world so filled with words and it should be a grand

explosion

but it’s not and I can’t seem to find a way to pull myself up and string a few sentences together because no words can seem to fit the way I’m feeling;

and what I’m feeling is

halted.

Recently

I have found myself to be completely infuriated at my lack of motivation to do anything. I know I’ve hit the depressive side of things in my bipolar disorder when I feel sluggish. The only good thing that I can say is coming out of it is my ability to complete my “tasks” throughout the day. I am still doing what needs to be done but I just feel so blah and empty about all of it and that makes me more depressed. It’s a vicious cycle and I’m trying to climb out of it. I hope whoever is reading this is coming out on top of things that they are struggling with and I wish you luck.

SS

Never Enough Time

Time is a concept; a construct.

Irrelevant and yet still pressing.

We all have a finite amount of time and what we choose to do with it is what defines us.

We all live so differently and yet, somehow the same.

Afraid to die, afraid of time.

Not enough time.

Never enough time.

Not to do the things we really want to.

Instead we are conditioned to do the will of others.

Conditioned to spend our time as slaves.

But there are those that have beguiled their way into better time spent.

Sweet release of the chains and living freely, unashamed and unpressed for time.

I wish to be one, are you?

Slumber

Floating in a sea of blue,

grey days have come to pass.

Sunshine feels unreal, exquisite on the skin.

Feels like I’ve missed too many days,

slumbering in my depression.

Like a choke hold, only smothered and pressed.

No release until it passed,

now I’m floating in a sea of blue.

Positive Attracts Positive

I read something by another blogger about happiness. A few key points they pointed out were ideas like:

negative attracts negative

positive attracts positive

space from those who are negative is crucial while we focus on those who are more positive-minded

allowing us to stay true to ourselves

being able to express our negativity and finding the positive, because it is there, we just have to find it

I really liked the piece because it hit home for me. I have been in such a dark and crucial point in my life where I feel I’m only now, and very slowly, starting to crawl out of it. I focus too much on the negativity in my life and it seems everything is all wrong at once, when in reality there is an equal list of things going right that are being brushed to the side and forgotten.

It’s a small list, but it is an extremely attainable goal for now.

Do you have anything you’re currently working on? I’d love to know so leave me a comment.

Death Anxiety

We all have it. We all subconsciously act on it. But what is it? Merriam-Webster defines thanatophobia as “fear of death”. With this fear of death, “the paralyzing terror produced by the awareness of one’s mortality leads to the denial of death awareness and the repression of death-related thoughts” says the existential psychologists Victor Florian and Mario Mikulincer in 2004 when they observed the phenomenon. 

It may be easy to say “well yeah, I’m scared of death”, but just how much? Most people do not think about the everyday actions for avoiding death that they may do such as; driving slower to avoid an accident, walking on sidewalks, avoiding bridges in case they collapse, or keeping knives pointed away from the body when cooking so as to avoid stabbing accidents.

Death anxiety strikes us all because while we fear death, we do not actively do things to tempt fate so to speak. We subconsciously go out of our own way to avoid peril and stay alive. Death anxiety is a lurker and we all act on it, knowingly or not.

It is always right around the corner.